Its a saturday.. & i have nothing to do. i officially give up on trying to give my heart to someone. It just wont work out, so from now on i'm not doing anything... i'll just sit & wait. Its all good though, theres a lot of exciting things in being a future 80yr old & single with 100 cats.

well besides that, i've changed my future goals. i want to be a UN emassador. yep its unlikely to happen but its a goal. if that doesnt work out, i've got a fall back plan. isnt it wierd that i'm only 15 but i'm contemplating my career plans & what not? i havent told my parents what i wanna do yet because i know that they have their hearts set on me becoming an MD. But i'm tired of doing things for them, i wanna do something for me because everything i've done up til now has been for them. I want to help others in other countries, i want help better the world in any small way i can. i know i'm just an average girl in a middle class family, no "famous" relatives, nothing really going for her, but i want this.

Wow so i'm back here on xanga. i've been doing a little myspacing & i guess i just got bored of that =/ [too many baby rapists out there on myspace]

freshman year is done for me. did the school thing, turned out pretty good. did the basketball thing didnt quite work out. did the softball thing && it was fun. yay summer hehe. carnival was shitty & kind of boring.  as for a "lover" lol, nah pretty non eventful.

my calendar for 05-06

1 frosh yr. 2 basketball 3 birthday 4 finals 5 softball =] 6 finals 7 summer =D

yah i know its not much but what ev

well today i'm off to great adventure...yess  i hope i dont die. thats all for now

                                                                                   all is fair in love & war

                                                                          HAPPY WEDNESDAY!!!

                                                                                       {[ noelle ]}

i need to stay strong. sometimes when you look back on things of your past present ...whatever, you cant help it. i hate feeling pitty on myself & people around me. if things were okay, nothing would have to be pittied upon. why do i feel the need to break away. i'm screwed up ( mostly in the head). most of my day is spent as a vegetable but thats only coz  i'm afraid to think deeper into my life. everytime i think, i just ..."emotionally vomit" so to speak...it just hurts. its like i'm stopping myself from feeling anything. i try to be numb. sometimes it just feels better...to just not feel. everything i do just kicks me back in the ass. the people i loved are drifting away from me. there's more to me than i let on...no one knows